When I was home this week for Thanksgiving, River and I had a date night on the last night we were in town. In my college town, the theater wasn’t playing The Edge of Seventeen, which seemed to have the right touch of humor, realism, and cynicism for the two of us when we saw the trailers. I had no idea how true that was until I saw the movie today (Saturday). I was already excited for Hailee Steinfeld’s performance after her role in Pitch Perfect 2. But I had no idea how deeply this movie would hit me until my eyes swelled with tears during the film.
The premise of the movie is that Nadine’s best friend starts dating her older brother, and then everything seems to hit the fan shortly after. Nadine goes through a whole slew of emotions including betrayal, sadness, abandonment, and rebellion. While everyone in the theater was fully engaged, the situation became highly personal to me. When I was a freshman in high school, I was in a long-term relationship with someone I had grown up with, and we were hitting a brick wall with each other day in and day out. We deeply loved each other though, at least I loved him. I don’t know where he stood in the last few months of our relationship, but I still think back to who he once was with me and know that there is no doubt that he was my first love. We broke up in May of my freshman year after roughly 4 years together. A month later, my best friend since middle school started dating him. Seriously dating him. While Nadine and I were in different situations, a lot of the commentary reminded me of those pains. The abandonment, the fear, the betrayal. I had enough trouble making friends with girls my age, I didn’t need my one friend to leave during one of the most critical times of my life. I slipped into a depression, became anxiety-ridden, and no longer knew who I could and could not trust. The ally I would have had was now my worst enemy. At this time, a lot of people questioned why I was still trying to pursue a friendship with her, but the truth was, I had no one else and I was losing control of my sensibility. I was failing with my coping skills and I would have turned to my best friend, but she was too busy trying to get to know the person I gave my first kiss to. I know how Nadine felt because that’s what I felt. All that being said, I still am not as close to anyone like I was my friend. We stopped talking shortly after I moved away for college, and the friendship lasted longer than it should have. My entire senior year was spent defending my ex boyfriend because of decisions she made (which then made me look like I was defending him because I loved him, which was not true, I don’t even know him anymore) and finally a few months later, the final straw was pulled and I just stopped trying. I have friends that I am close to, but not anything like I was with my best friend. I hope to some degree that she reads this to see my side of it, but I don’t ever expect her to understand how that changed me. The Edge of Seventeen is a movie that I would put up next to Perks of Being a Wallflower, which is my favorite movie and one of my favorite books of all time. (I have a signed and annotated copy of the book, which I cherish deeply.) The movie isn’t a feel-good movie, it’s real and raw and honest and humorous all at the same time. I recommend it to all of you without hesitation.
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AuthorGabrielle Willingham is a young Arkansan woman who sees the importance of simultaneous cynicism and optimism. Gabrielle is currently working on a MA in Communication with a focus in gender studies and political science. Archives
January 2021
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