I apologize for the radio static, as it has been a long time since I’ve posted or even written. Being an upper-class Communications major comes with no tests and fifty papers, so I have poured myself into writing essays instead of writing for the blog. Not that I could access Weebly anyway -- UAM had every Weebly URL blocked after the Fall semester. But I’m glad to be back. It’s time to talk.
I have never been one to take risks. I am a safe person who likes certainty and absolutes in life. This last semester has seemed to become the bane of my existence to that part of my being. River and I are moving across the state (River already moved and I move tomorrow). We, like many of our friends, have decided that UAM was not what we needed to ensure our personal success. That place was home when it had to be. The people were great, the professors that actually were invested in their students were life-changing (Thank you, again, Dr. Strong, Dr. Miller, and Justin), and I was close to family. But I have been a “city kid” since birth. Where that school is, it is almost completely surrounded by rural land. I mean, hell, I looked out the window of my dorm room to a cow pasture filled with the coolest cows around. But the only thing to do in town was go to Wal-Mart, which wasn’t normally fun if the whole friend group didn’t go. What made UAM home were the friends I made while I was there. If you have seen my Instagram or seen us on campus, you will know that they are everything to me. The friends there are those people I was destined to meet and have in my life. They’re my people and I love them. If it hadn’t been for the Wal-Mart jams, the game nights, the D&D sessions, the desk shifts, the ping pong matches, the long car talks, the group chat, and many other elements of what life was there, I would only be half of the person I am today. I remember riding to Wal-Mart listening to Chris Brown’s “Kiss Kiss” and thinking that this was the feeling I have waited for -- the feeling of finally finding the friendships I was destined to have in my life. You guys changed what it meant to feel alive. In high school, I had a really hard time making friends and an even harder time keeping them, and that still impacts my life today. But you guys -- Sam, Adam, River, Jake, Brando, Justin -- taught me that I could not hold a friendship up if an effort wasn’t being made by the other people, too. You guys changed everything for me and I am so unbelievably grateful for each of you. So the risks Riv and I are making here in the next few months are huge. We are packing our lives up and moving to a school of 30,000 from a school of less than 2,000. We are going from big fish in a small pond to small fish in a big pond. I, personally, am so scared that it would be all too easy for me to isolate myself (like I did the last few weeks at UAM) and not go. But good things rarely happen where you are comfortable. River and I will grow, learn, and love harder and faster than we ever have before. I would be so unbelievably lost without his support and encouragement. He has stepped up when I couldn’t bare to get out of bed and pack. He has reminded me what it felt like to walk the sidewalks that would lead us to our success. He has and continues to recognize when I am in over my head and need him to help me recognize that I have beaten odds that were more-stacked against me. There was a point in the Fall semester where I realized I would never be able to do what I want to do if I stayed there. I would always be held back by my own downfalls. Even in starting the newspaper, I was leading it and the opportunities that we had were limited by what Jake and I could accomplish with the administration prolonging change. I kept saying, “We just have to make it another two years. Just two years.” And then it clicked. I don’t have to stay somewhere I am unhappy. Why would I try to endure two years if I have the power to change it myself? River and I have been given immensely great opportunities where we have the ability to transfer schools. We had an opportunity that a lot of other people don’t have. And we don’t intend to go up to school and blow off the opportunity we have been given. We are determined to use the success we already have to encourage us to become more of what we want in life. With hard work and dedication, I am getting to attend a school I never thought I could attend or would be able to afford for free. My schooling is paid for because of the support and hard work ethic that I have and had instilled in me from my parents. I get to be a Razorback (which, if you know my dad, is kind of a big deal in my house). So to UAM, I hope that you take the opportunities you have coming up. The new Comm professor is going to change the face of what it means to be a Communication major from UAM. New, brilliant minds are coming to see what they are capable of, and I hope that they are pushed in a way that shows them what they are able to do. When I was there, Justin changed the way I saw the world around me, changed what I wanted for myself, opened up my eyes to things I have since fully immersed myself in, and helped me see that whatever path I choose, I will get where I am supposed to be. I have never been one to take risks, but I recognize the value of them. I recognize that the power I have over my life and the ability to end one chapter and begin another in a few short months is fleeting. I want to be in a big school with more opportunities for myself. I see that this is a massive turning point for me and the life River and I want together. So I hope that you will stick around for the journey. - The Cynic
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AuthorGabrielle Willingham is a young Arkansan woman who sees the importance of simultaneous cynicism and optimism. Gabrielle is currently working on a MA in Communication with a focus in gender studies and political science. Archives
January 2021
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